Oops...
To my darling husband,
Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.
I was coming home from Asda, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.
I am really sorry but I know with your kind hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife.
Stacey
XXX
The Policeman pulled over a car and strolled up to the driver's window: "Excuse me sir, but do you know that you're driving without a rear light?"
The driver jumped out and ran to the rear of his car and let out a whimpering groan. The driver seemed so genuinely distressed that the policeman took a sympathetic view: "Don't take it so hard, it's not all that serious an offence..."
"Isn't it" the driver cried, "Where's my caravan gone?"
As a lorry driver stops at a red light...
a young man pulls up behind. He jumps out of his car, runs up to the lorry, and knocks on the door. The lorry driver lowers the window, and the young man says "Hi, so sorry to bother you old chap but you appear to be losing some of your load." The lorry driver ignores him and proceeds down the street. When the lorry stops for another red light, the man catches up again. He jumps out of his car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the lorry driver lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the man says brightly, "Hi, so sorry to bother you old chap but you appear to be losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the lorry driver ignores him again, raises thenwindow and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the man gets out of his car, runs up, knocks on the lorry door. The lorry driver opens the window. Again he says "Hi, so sorry to bother you old chap but you appear to be losing some of your load!" When the light turns green, the lorry driver revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the lorry, and runs back to the young man. He knocks on his window, and after he lowers it, he says in a broad scot's accent, "Hi, the name's Angus. It's winter in Aberdeen if you hanee noticed, and I'm drivin' the grittin' lorry."
The local council could not afford a speed camera...
so they put up a sign saying: Slow Down Old People's Home. - It had no effect.
At the next meeting they decided to try a different tactic and put up a sign: Danger - Children at Play.
Still no joy.
So at the next meeting the chairman had a brain-wave and suggested they try putting under the village sign name: The only naturist village in the UK.
As a result white vans and lorries crawl through the village.